So, my question is: is this for defense, or just for plinking?
(sorry if this is a repeat; there are 6 pages of replies that I didn't want to read... I made it through 1.5 haha)
If it is for defense, then I think the pistol she'd be carrying would be smaller, right? In that case, recoil is going to be an issue with most carry guns. IMO, 380 is very manageable in a compact frame. I used to own a Sig P238, and it was very easy to shoot. I've also fired a Ruger LCP, and it too was manageable, though I think the 238 kicked a little less.
For plinking, you could try a similarly sized 9 with a lower bore axis... say a Glock or S&W M&P? It may make her "felt" recoil a little bit less.